In the bad old days, I sat crying my eyes out in a car park at night. Pregnant, a toddler at home, and we'd just had a raging argument. On paper my life looked wonderful. I was being given more and more responsibility at work, leading massive projects with really senior stakeholders. But in reality, I was absolutely exhausted, and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't shape up.
I did everything I could think of. I sat him down and spelled out what needed doing. I got him listening to audiobooks when he couldn't escape, in the car. I can be a real joy. I read him excerpts. We even saw a marriage counsellor once, the two of us together, me quietly hoping they'd finally tell him to get his act together. Nothing changed.
Then I found Laura Doyle's Empowered Wife podcast. I binged it. Hearing woman after woman transform her marriage was eye-opening, and for the first time I didn't feel alone. I knew I had to stop dabbling and jump in headfirst, like an icy plunge pool.
I'm not the woman I was when I signed up for coach training. If I could go back to those hopeless days, when I quietly wondered whether this was it for the rest of my life, I'd wrap her in a hug and tell her: you're doing amazing. I see the effort you're putting in. I know how hard you're working. And there's another way. One that's more fun than this, where you still get the marriage of your dreams.
It's been a wonderful leap forward on the way to becoming my best self. Happy wife, happy life. Just not the way you'd think.
And if you're reading this thinking, does that mean she's happy 100% of the time? Let's keep it real: of course I'm not. I'm a real, live human, and I feel all the ups and downs of life like anyone. The difference is, I used to spend far more time in the downs. Now I spend far more in the ups, because I use the very skills I teach.
